Breakeven

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in

Cause I got time while she got freedom

Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't breakeven

Carlos Oliveira walked apprehensively through the corridors, the only sound was his footsteps against the crystal-like marble floor. His eyes searched the beige walls for the numbers 306, which he believed to be the room of a Miss Jill Valentine. In his right hand he held tightly onto a bouquet of cherry red roses as if it was his lifeline. He wore a pitch black suit with a red tie, but the collar was annoying the shit out of him. He pulled at it, which gave him brief relief.

He arrived at the location he was looking for, and suddenly was met with clamminess. His heart was beating. This was all too new for him. He would have never imagined he'd be doing this- arriving at a girl's doorstep to confess feelings of love? That was definitely a first.

He knew what to say, and how to say it. He raised his knuckles to the door, but instead of knocking, rested his hand on it. He silently cleared his throat, and opened his mouth to speak.

"I love you, Jill."

Her best days will be some of my worst

She finally met a man that's gonna put her first

Carlos was startled. Those were the words he intended to say, but it was not his voice that did. Suddenly, he heard more talking and some giggling on the other side of the door. He slid his hand to the knob and, finding that the door was unlocked, opened it slightly. He was thankful that the door did not creak.

It was hard for him to see- the room was dimly lit, the only light emanated from lengthy candles that decorated the room. He could barely make out a figure in the middle of the room. She was laughing lightly, sipping from a glass of wine. There was no doubt in his mind, she was the girl he was looking for.

However, just as he was about to close the door and continue on with his plan, another figure appeared. This one was bulky and muscular, obviously male. He took the wine from her hand and took a sip, which made Jill push him playfully. Carlos couldn't help but wonder, who was this guy?

The man in question then pulled her in, begging for her lips. They moved towards a door, likely a bedroom. Carlos felt a pressure in his chest, and a hot lump in his throat. He had to get out of there, and fast, too. He ran hastily down the hallway, dropping the bouquet in front of Jill's door, room 306.

While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping

Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven, even, no

That night, Carlos couldn't sleep. He looked at his clock, which read 1:07. He sighed- all night he'd been tossing and turning, unable to sleep. What was she doing right now? Was she still with that guy? Are they together or something?

Carlos had thousands of questions, and no answers. But he knew what he saw- and thinking about it was torture. Yet, he couldn't stop obsessing over it. He had to know, but he was afraid that he wouldn't like the answers. I didn't know love would be so complicated, he mused.

His thoughts continued on like that. At some time, he looked at the clock again- it was 2:23. I'll never get to sleep if I keep it up like this, he reminded himself, rolling over to make himself more comfortable. Not long after that, he finally started to drift off to sleep- until the phone rang. He growled, and walked across the room to retrieve his cell phone.

He checked the caller ID- it was Jill's phone number, though it didn't say her name- it was one he memorized, because he, during some time, considered calling her to tell her how he felt about her.

Carlos lifted an eyebrow, wondering why she was calling. He hadn't had contact with her since October 1998, a couple of months ago. After escaping Raccoon City she helped him find a place to stay. She checked on him everyday for two straight weeks just to be sure he was alright, then afterwards, set off to find an old friend of hers, cutting off all contact with him until Carlos found her again.

Reluctantly, he accepted the call and put the phone to his ear.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?

I'm falling to pieces, yeah

I'm falling to pieces

"Hey, Carlos. Are you there?" Her voice was smooth, calm- Oh, how he'd missed her reassuring voice, though now it seemed to taunt him.

Mustering a little bit of courage to speak, his voice was the antithesis of hers. "Uhh, h-hi Jill. I'm here."

"How are you? It's been a long time since we last talked."

Carlos could feel his heart aching. He had to lie to her or else he was afraid he'd have a breakdown or something. "I'm fine- I've been.. good."

"Hey, Carlos. I need to talk to you. It's urgent."

"What is it, chica?"

"Well, I found a bunch of roses in front of my door a little while ago, and it seems there's a card with your name on it. Did you send these to me or something?" Her voice showed no signs of weakness, it was nearly emotionless.

"Well, I...uh..." He stuttered, no words coming out. Her guess wasn't completely accurate. Carlos mentally slapped himself for signing the card that came with it, but praised himself for not writing more. He felt like a complete idiot.

He heard a nearly inaudible sigh. "Carlos, we need to talk. I'll meet you tomorrow for lunch, if that's okay. I'll send you the address."

Before he could reply, she hung up on him.

Great, I'll never get to sleep now.

They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

Carlos woke up at about 11 A.M. and was tired as hell, as he didn't get to sleep until almost 3 in the morning. He went through his morning routine- got dressed, brushed his teeth and hair, and ate breakfast- then looked at his phone again, re-reading Jill's text message. It told him to be at a downtown coffee shop at noon. The location was usually less than 10 minutes away, but with traffic, could possibly be in between 15 and 20 minutes. Checking the clock, he realized he needed to hurry.

He drove off in his car, the whole time blasting the radio, until a few love songs came on. After about the fifth song in a row, he frustratedly shut it off. Carlos pondered why Jill asked to talk to him- to break my heart? Or to tell me that she loves me, and that other guy was a mistake?

Carlos arrived, barely on time. Jill was standing at the front of the line, then was handed a cappuccino and sat down. Carlos hurried over to where she sat, sipping coffee, calm as always.

"Hey, Jill."

"Hey," She greeted, giving him a warm smile. "Sit down."

He did as she asked, and settled himself in the silver, metallic chair which had a black cushion on it. It was quite comfortable, he noted.

"You, uhh, wanted to talk to me?" Carlos swallowed, anticipating that she was going to rip his heart out of his chest. Or something like that.

Jill gave a quick once-over, noticing that he was much different than she remembered him- brave, strong, annoyingly stubborn and arrogant, and somewhat naive. This version of Carlos was just a nervous wreck.

"Yeah. You sent me those flowers, right?" She spoke, avoiding his eyes. "What's that all about?"

He too, refused to look at her. "Well, to be honest... I was going to tell you..."

He choked up, feeling so much pain and misery. Am I really gonna to tell her that, then have her tell me she doesn't feel the same way?

Jill saw his hesitation, then finished for him, her words cold. "That you love me?"

Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving

And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven, even, no

"Yes, I was." Carlos sighed angrily in defeat. "But it's obvious you don't love me back, so if you're gonna break my heart, do it now, and do it quickly."

"Carlos-"

"No, no. Nevermind. I don't want hear it! You're in love with someone else, but I don't care, because I'm done waiting around for you!" He started to get up when Jill placed a hand on his own.

"Just listen!" She stopped him, a bit too loudly, causing people to stare. He slouched back in his chair. His anger was deafening- the only thing he could hear in that moment.

"Jill, I know you're with someone else." Carlos sighed, calming down a bit, though his words still were pierced with anger and pain. "I don't need you telling me things I already know."

Jill looked down at her cup, refusing to, again, look at him. She felt like a terrible person in that moment. "How did you know?"

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain

You took your suitcase, I took the blame

Now I'm trying to make sense of what little remains

Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name

Jill listened as Carlos explained everything that happened that night. When he was finished, he looked at her with painful eyes, waiting for her to explain her half.

"So, what's the story with you and whoever that guy was?"

"His name is Chris. I've been in love with him for a really long time." She spoke softly. "We survived an incident in a mansion together and have been trying to take out Umbrella. When I was in Raccoon City I was so afraid I'd never get to see him again." Tears formed at the side of her eyes, just thinking about what that would be like.

"Jill..." Carlos tried vainly not to notice her tears. He grabbed a napkin and handed it to her, but she waved it away.

"I'm so sorry you had to find out like this. If I knew, I would have told you about this before. I never meant to lead you on." Jill said, wiping the corners of her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Don't be sorry, Jill. There's nothing you need to apologize for." He reassured.

Jill nodded, not answering him. To say she felt miserable was an understatement. A few minutes of incommodious silence fell between the two.

Carlos, eager to break the silence, started to speak. "So, uh, can you tell me about this Chris guy?" To be honest, he didn't want to hear about it. But he saw the sparkle in her eye when she mentioned his name. It was the same way when way he felt towards Jill, though he was starting to doubt it.

The light in her eyes returned. "Well, he's just amazing. He cares about everyone so much it's ridiculous. And he is so brave- he would save a complete stranger even if it would mean risking his own life."

He nodded, urging her on with a weak, forced smile. Jill saw right through it. "You know, Carlos, In a lot of ways, you remind me of him."

This time he gave her a genuine smile and a slight blush. "Really?"

"Yes." She bobbed her head quickly. "Have I ever told you that I'm so thankful you saved my life?"

Carlos rolled his eyes jokingly, smiling to himself. "Only about a million times."

She grinned at his comment, somehow knowing he would say something like that. "One day you'll make some lucky girl very happy." Jill grabbed one of his hands and squeezed it lovingly. "I'm just sorry that it can't be me."

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in

Cause I got time while she got freedom

Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break...

No, it don't break, no, it don't breakeven, no

"See you later, Carlos." He watched Jill as she left the coffee shop, waving to him.

He didn't quite realize it, but everything had changed for the best. It just wasn't meant to be, I guess.

He sat there, sipping on the black coffee he eventually ordered. I hope that Chris guy knows just how lucky he is...

"Hey, mind if I sit here?" An unknown voice asked sweetly.

Carlos looked up. It was a woman- a blonde with curly locks and emerald green eyes, not to mention a stunning smile. She had a perfect figure, at least by Carlos's standards.

He smiled at her brightly. "No, not at all."

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?

(Oh glad you're okay now)

I'm falling to pieces, yeah

(Oh I'm glad you're okay)

I'm falling to pieces, yeah

(One still in love while the other one's leaving)

I'm falling to pieces

(Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't breakeven)